From the page of The Onion, June 14 2000
Lanthanum Quits Periodic Table Of Elements
STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN--The world of chemistry was shaken Monday by lanthanum's
announcement that the popular 57th element will quit Transition Group IIIb of
the periodic table at the end of the summer. "I have nothing but good things to
say about my time with the periodic table," said the ductile, silvery-white
metal, speaking from the site of its discovery by Carl Gustav Mosander in 1839.
"Nevertheless, I will be stepping down after Labor Day to focus on my own
earth-metal solo projects." Rumors of a longtime feud with molybdenum and the
constant demands of lens manufacturing are believed to be behind the departure.