You Know You Are Addicted to the Internet When...
Taken from Elsop Webmasters Humor page
- You actually wore a blue ribbon to protest the Communications Decency Act.
- You kiss your girlfriend's home page.
- Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
- Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
- You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.
- You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone
- You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular modem
and a laptop.
- You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and your
child in the overhead compartment.
- All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to
the net: 28.8...ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3.
- And even your night dreams are in HTML.
- You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word
- You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just
pulled the plug on a loved one.
- You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
- You start introducing yourself as "Jim at I-I-Net dot net dot com
- Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW
site address in print or on TV, even though you've never had heart problems
- You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you
don't have a clue when it happened.
- You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new
- Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she
- All of your friends have an @ in their names.
- When looking at a pageful of someone else's links, you notice all of them
are already highlighted in purple.
- Your dog has its own home page.
- You've already visited all the links at Yahoo and you're halfway through
Lycos. or [C]ontinue?
- You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.
- You realize there is not a sound in the house and you have no idea where
your children are.
- You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
- You refer to your age as 3.x.
- You have comandeered your teenager's phone line for the net and even his
friends know not to call on his line anymore.
- Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
- Even though you died last week, you've managed to retain OPS on your
favorite IRC channel.
- You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
- You don't know the sex of three of your closest friends, because they have
neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
- You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.
- You laugh at people with 2400 baud modems.
- Your husband tells you he's had the beard for 2 months.
- You miss more than five meals a week downloading the latest games from
Apogee.t, or [C]ontinue?
- You start looking for hot HTML addresses in public restrooms.
- You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail
on the way back to bed.
- You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.
- You tell the cab driver you live at
- You actually try that 123.elm.street address.
- You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to
do" and you don't even have a job.
- Your friends no longer send you e-mail...they just log on to your IRC
- You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
- Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
- You are so familiar with the WWW that you find the search engines useless.
- You get a tatoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 1.1 or
- You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP...because
you never log off.
- The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.
- You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of
your computer with a toilet.
- You forget what year it is.
- You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
- You ask your doctor to implant a gig in your brain.
- You leave the modem speaker on after connecting because you think it
sounds like the ocean wind...the perfect soundtrack for "surfing the net".
- You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed to call
200 hours per month "unlimited."
- You turn on your computer and turn off your wife.
- Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy
another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
- As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first
instinct is to search for the "back" button.