Found on the newsgroups: rec.humor.funny, July 9, 1997
By Jim Griffith (

Breaking News Story From Mars

From the Martian Press International....


        Valles Marineris (MPI) - A spokesthing for Mars Air Force denounced
        as false rumors that an alien space craft crashed in the desert,
        outside of Ares Vallis on Friday.  Appearing at a press conference
        today, General Rgrmrmy The Lesser, stated that "the object was, in
        fact, a harmless high-altitude weather balloon, not an alien

        The story broke late Friday night when a major stationed at nearby
        Ares Vallis Air Force Base contacted the Valles Marineris Daily
        Record with a story about a strange, balloon-shaped object which
        allegedly came down in the nearby desert, "bouncing" several times
        before coming to a stop, "deflating in a sudden explosion of alien
        gases".  Minutes later, General Rgrmrmy The Lesser contacted the
        Daily Record telepathically to contradict the earlier report.

        General Rgrmrmy The Lesser stated that hysterical stories of a
        detachable vehicle roaming across the Martian desert were blatant
        fiction, provoked by incidences involving swamp gas.  But the
        general public has been slow to accept the Air Force's explanation
        of recent events, preferring to speculate on the "other-worldly"
        nature of the crash debris.  Conspiracy theorists have condemned
        Rgrmrmy's statements as evidence of "an obvious government
        cover-up", pointing out that Mars has no swamps.